The RAVENOUS ulcer

So if you weren't already aware, last Thursday I was diagnosed with an ulcer.  I know what you're thinking...Lindsey, you are a stress case! Stop stressing!...yes, stress is one of the factors that can contribute to an ulcer, but it is not usually the main cause.  Usually an ulcer is caused by a bacteria called H. Pylori or something like that.  Other factors can add to your probability of getting an ulcer such as stress, caffeinated sodas, too much ibuprofen, etc. I think my ulcer was a product of a combination of all of these things.  I have been stressed recently.  I've been worrying too much about graduating and what I'm going to do afterward.  I'm scared to get a real job!  I still feel like I'm twelve!  Heck, I'm scared just for the interviews alone!  Also, thanks to Alan, I'm starting to get hooked on diet Coke again.  I almost entirely gave up diet Coke about two years ago because it's horrible for you, but with Alan around, constantly swigging at a Dr. Pepper, he has left me no options but to return to the crisp, cold, refreshing experience that is a diet Coke.  The ibuprofen part, well, let's just say that sometimes I probably take a little too much of it!  I'm sorry, but as a woman diagnosed with polycistic ovarian syndrome, there are just times when I am forced to either choose death or the ibuprofen!  I choose to choose...ibuprofen!

Anyways, so when I was diagnosed with an ulcer, my doctor gave me an excused absence from school for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!  Unfortunately, my five days were up yesterday :(.  Not to mention, I really only took advantage of this for one day off from school, which my doctor claimed I desperately needed.  I mean really, I think taking five days off from school would probably make my ulcer worse in the end!  Let's be honest, not going to school for five days=mass stress and chaos once those five days finally catch up to you.  This would probably make my ulcer even larger.  Hey, maybe if it gets bigger, food will start falling out of my stomach when I eat!  Then, who knows what could happen...maybe I'd lose some weight since the food won't get digested!  On the other hand, I might end up with pumpkin pie lumps on my back...Back to the ulcer--now I'm having a hard time focusing on school and all I want to do is lay around and sleep all day.  This is not good considering I have this more than HUGE poli sci 200 assignment due next week that's supposed to take upwards of 12 hours.  Oh poli sci, how I wish that my ulcer would swallow you up and eat you alive!  How I wish that my doctor's note were still in effect so I could legitimately be excused to allow people.com and usmagazine.com and facebook and gmail and eonline.com distract me...but oh yeah, I already did let all of those websites distract me today.  On top of that, I'm blogging now when I should be studying!

Well ulcer, here's to you!  You have provided me with an excuse to lay around, be unproductive, sleep-in, ditch some school, ditch the gym, and eat whatever I want to eat because I think it will make my tummy feel better!  You're amazing!  And if I heard correctly, supposedly you might even cause me to lose some weight...how unfortunate.  I say what this world needs is one VERY LARGE ulcer.